The content of the article
A child who is confident in himself achieves much in life. It is very important to instill in the child some qualities that will help him survive in this difficult world, where the competition in the market of specialists is very high. It is important not to force the child to learn this or that rule, you need to explain it, so that the baby understands the essence. It is important not to cram into what is being asked in school, but to learn to search for information on your own, to answer questions that have arisen, you need to teach your child self-education. But the most important thing is to instill in the kid a sense of respect for oneself, faith in one's own strength, the notion that a kid can do something better than everyone.
There are two types of education and parents, as a rule, rarely seek a middle ground. If you constantly pull up a child, say that he will fail, do all the work for him, then the baby will sooner or later believe in your words.He will understand that he really will not succeed, especially if it failed on the first try. And if the mother patiently offers the child to try again in something important, the child will grow up, and failures will not frighten him in adult life, he will strive for the goal again and again. This article will talk about self-esteem - how it is laid, how to recognize the low self-esteem of the child in time and what to do about it.
Why does a child have low self-esteem
Self-esteem is very important in a person’s life, and not only in his professional field. A child who is shared by his parents will adequately assess his appearance, value his health, dignity and honor. Such a girl in the future will never allow himself to be hit in the family, the boy will not allow humiliation. By cultivating high self-esteem in a child, you help to choose only the best in life, starting from the profession and ending with the status of life. You teach your baby not to be content with small things, to achieve more. But in some cases, we ourselves, with our own hands and words, lower the self-esteem of the child below the plinth. Here are some typical mistakes of parents that make the baby insecure and self-reliant.
- "You can not!". It’s absolutely wrong if a mother tries to always do everything for a child.If she opens the juice for him, fearing that the baby will spill, doing homework for him, fearing for the correctness of his performance, suppresses all aspirations of independence. It is necessary to understand that the child is growing, and the mother can not always be near. The moment will come when the baby will have to move forward on its own. And for this, he must have experience - opening juice, doing homework, choosing a profession, etc.
- "And Peter is better!" Never compare a child with other children — a neighbor, classmate, or older brother. All children are individual, someone succeeds in physical development, someone is successful in school, well, someone just draws well. When you say - “But Masha received a five for the control in mathematics, and you, as usual, brought three,” you humiliate the child. Yes, the troika for test work is unpleasant, but this is not the end of the world. Maybe your son or daughter will become a great artist, why do you need this mathematics? Your task is not to reach high grades, but to help the child choose a direction in life, push him if necessary, give him a choice. And in this parent destination there is no comparison with other children.
- "You are a terrible child!" Another common and common mistake is censure not of an act, but of a person.Do you know how Israeli mothers treat their children? They tell their children that they are the most intelligent, beautiful and successful. They don't tell the child “You're bad,” they say, “How are you, such a good person, could have done such a bad deed?” Maybe that's why there are a lot of successful doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs among the Jews?
- "Sit down and do not hang out - be like everyone else!". Self-esteem in a child may fall if the baby is recommended a model of behavior that was transmitted to us from parents and grandparents. It can be said that this is a relic of the Soviet times, when everyone was united, and it was a mistake to stand out from the crowd. Today is a time of strong, initiative and ambitious. Do not stop on the vine desires and aspirations of your child. If a boy likes to dance ballroom dancing, do not resist his nature, perhaps he will become a champion in this sport? Believe in your child, encourage him to be active in public and private life.
- Indifference. How often the kid tries to do something himself, and the mother in the bustle of everyday work does not notice the painted portrait or says fleeting “Good for you”. You should appreciate the efforts of the child, to show interest to his talent, to support the baby. After all, you are its main spectator and listener.If the mother remains indifferent, the aspirations of the child quickly fade away.
- Carping to the exterior. It so happens that the child’s self-esteem can collapse at one moment if you walk on the child’s appearance. After all, parents are the main people in a child’s life, their words are perceived by the unquestioning truth. Do not tell your daughter - “You are stouter, you need to eat less,” and say, “I bought two subscriptions to the gym, let's go together?”. Remarks of parents about the appearance often develop into serious complexes that are moving into adulthood.
- Excessive rigor. If a child is punished for any reason because of the slightest mistake and misstep, the child will once again be afraid to take an extra step to prevent another mistake. Of these children grow up insecure adults.
Some parents, not having realized themselves in the past, are trying to “recoup” on children. Mom, never becoming a confident businesswoman, tries to raise such a person from her daughter, actively giving her lessons in economics and business planning. It is important to understand that the child is not you, he has very different talents and preferences. And the daughter gets much more pleasure from dancing in ballet.In the end, not allowing your child to do his favorite thing, you can achieve a disastrous result. The girl will not be able to do business, because she does not like entrepreneurship and does not understand anything in it. And the dream of dancing on the stage of the Bolshoi will remain a dream, because the mother did not attach importance to the girl’s wishes in time and did not give the child to study in this direction. The result - an unsettled man with broken wings. It is clear that the parents do not wish the child evil, but try in your ambitions to listen to the wishes of the little man.
Increase child self-esteem
Here are some simple tips to help you improve self-esteem with your daughter or son.
Praise the child! But not for a beautiful figure or a fashionable portfolio, but for deeds. He received a good grade, turned his grandmother across the road, helped a friend, stood up for her sister - all this is worthy of your attention.
- Share your thoughts. In order for the baby to feel significant and grown up, you need to consult with him - about the route of the trip, about the gifts that you bring to your grandmother, etc. Ask your child for opinions on a particular issue.And let the answer be obvious, let the child decide for himself. And, of course, follow this decision, otherwise the importance of children's opinions will be lost.
- Ask for help. Stop telling yourself that the baby is still small and can not do anything. Believe me, a child at the age of 7 can calmly wash dishes or sew a button, and at 12, cook something simple for dinner. Just trust and understand that the child is growing, he already knows a lot, let the child demonstrate their abilities.
- Give back to the sport. Many mothers of boys complain that their son cannot stand up for himself. You should not raise an aggressor out of a child, but it’s still worth learning to fight back. To do this, give the child to any sport, better in martial arts. The baby will increase self-esteem, he will understand that much can. However, in this case it is necessary to clearly explain to the child that in ordinary life it is not worthwhile to demonstrate one’s strength and, especially, to beat first.
- Survive failure together. Many children are very sensitive to losing and failing. It is important to explain to the child that without them it is impossible to win. That any achievement is made up of many attempts and splits.By this you teach the child to be confident in his abilities, to achieve the goal, even if the previous attempts were unsuccessful.
- Inspire the child that he is smart and talented. Sending the child to school, tell him that he will succeed, he will receive a five for the dictation and will pass all the standards for physical education. Children at the mental level capture the settings given by their parents. And if you say “You are as loser as your father” and “you will fail”, do not be surprised what will happen exactly as you said.
- Believe in the child. Children feel very subtle truth and lies. Believe in your child at competitions, even if it seems to you that he is weaker than the others. Tell the kid that strength is not his main trump card, but he has dexterity and endurance, this will surely bring victory. Sincerely believe in your child, and he will be able to believe in himself.
- Help with the mind. It is not necessary for the child to prompt the correct solution of the problem, as well as to leave him alone with all the tasks. It is important to find a middle ground and stick to the rule - to help only if the child asks. Give your son the opportunity to independently solve a problem in physics or some problem in life. Intervene only if you are asked to.
- Talk about looks. In many cases, the child’s self-esteem suffers from deficiencies in appearance. Often it develops into a serious complex, which turns into adulthood. Talk to the child heart to heart - what worries him, perhaps he is even teased by his peers for some kind of flaw. Help your child fix the situation, if possible. Curved teeth can be leveled by placing braces, the girl’s ears can be hidden behind long hairstyles, glasses can be replaced with contact lenses, and the excess weight can be corrected with proper nutrition and sports. If the baby is worried about what can not be fixed, help him to love yourself in any way. Convince the boy that short stature is not a problem; all charming Hollywood actors have a height below average. Tell a teenage girl that small breasts are not the biggest tragedy in life, on the contrary, a figure with small breasts looks neat and sharp. In addition, it does not hang to old age! Look for positive qualities, convince the child that he is really beautiful, even with some of its features.
These simple tips will help you grow a self-confident and self-reliant child.
Praise, but do not overdo it!
In the pursuit of a strong and strong-willed character of a child, it is possible to mistakenly grow a narcissist narcissist who believes that he is the best. Do not overdo it and do not allow it. Despite the fact that you praise the child for his actions, you need to put him on a par with other children. If the child is in the team, it is not necessary to allocate it and allow what is forbidden to other children. You can make a child compliments, but praise for the appearance should not be too frequent. The child must clearly know the boundaries of what is permitted - what is permissible, and for what they can be punished.
The child must understand that he is not the center of the universe and not even the head of the family. He is a child, and therefore, must listen to the opinion of adults. Ideally, the baby should not be brought up in the family alone, otherwise it will be rather difficult to uproot the signs of selfishness from the established personality. Teach your child to respect other people and their needs. Explain to your daughter or son that people should be treated the way he would like to be treated.
Child self-esteem is laid in the family.And the future life of a person depends on this, in which he will encounter a large number of people and situations. It is in our power to prepare the child for the outside world, to convince him of his significance and value. Most successful people reached heights only because they did not know that this was impossible. Love your child, listen to him, give him wings and give him the opportunity to be independent. And then he will shine with all facets, like a big sparkling diamond!
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