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How to encourage a child? Most psychologists say that parents often do it wrong. Therefore, the baby can grow a capricious egoist. Let's get along together using common methods.
Praise
Psychologists recommend not praising the child himself, endorsing approval only of actions or actions. But let's put ourselves in the place of a scion. Imagine the situation: in an effort to please parents, the kid cleaned the room or washed the dishes.
The main recommendations are phrases like: “What a clean room has become! It is so nice to be in it! ”Or:“ The dishes just flashed! ”
What will the child feel if you do not praise him? Correct, bitterness and resentment. After all, the room or dishes did not become clean by the wave of a magic wand. Did someone make an effort for this? He himself! But he did not receive a well-deserved reward.
Therefore, we leave the psychologists themselves to dig into their recommendations, and with all our heart we praise our son for every positive action.
Important! It’s impossible to praise a child. He will be glad to any kind words from parents. Especially if you deserve it.
Weasel
Such simple actions as stroking the head or back, kisses and hugs can work wonders in the process of education. Just do not overdo it with such encouragement, otherwise after each positive action the child will run to you for a reward.
By the way, do not forget to add to the caress praise. This is necessary so that the child understands why he is being encouraged.
A little thought, another question arises: what to do with adolescents? Children of this age often have a very negative attitude towards "calf tenderness." How to be?
It turns out that there is a way out. No matter how sad, but many teenagers spend most of their time on the Internet. And there they have a very popular meme, which is called a hug. Use it in communication with the child. He does not require strokes or kisses, and indeed quite a joke.
But, if, instead of petting, we say the offspring: “Yes, you are a good fellow, go hug!”, Then believe me, the effect will be amazing. The child will feel their need and will be proud that their parents are on the same wavelength.
Council Rummage on the Internet and learn a few words from teen slang. It is very useful to you in communicating with the child. Just do not use similar phrases publicly or in public. Children shy of such parents. But one-on-one - always, more often and to the place.
Removal of prohibitions
Of course, within reasonable limits. Empowerment should not become permissive. This is not encouragement, but unbridledness. How to do the right thing?
For example, for any positive action (help with household chores, the right solution to the problem, homework) you can allow the child to go to bed a little later than usual. But only here and now, that is, today, and not every day.
A child of 2-4 years old is recommended to allow to see more cartoons. A child of 5-7 years old can be allowed to buy something in the store on their own, without the help of adults. Teenager - to come home from a walk a little later than expected.But do not forget the golden rule: the promotion is good when it is one-time! It is not necessary to introduce the removal of prohibitions on an ongoing basis.
Council Before encouraging a child in this way, study his habits and desires. Unfortunately, many parents are practically unfamiliar with their own child.
Party time
No matter how sad it sounds, but the modern rhythm of life does not allow parents to spend a lot of time with the child. And sometimes it is even worse: dad is in the “tanks”, mom is in social networks, the child plays with himself.
Use as encouragement joint games. Only not training! These should be exactly games, reading books, viewing cartoons.
For older children, the right encouragement will be a walk in the park, on the playground, roller skating with their parents.
Teenagers will suit a joint trip to the cinema, the zoo, to the rides. Include fantasy, be interested in the offspring, what would he like to do with you.
Financial reward
Modern parents use this type of promotion more often. Instead of pocket money, a child is given a certain amount of money for positive actions or deeds. For example, for cleaning the house or a good study.
Here, psychologists especially actively beat themselves on the heels of the chest, proving that it is impossible to do this! But let's face it: without money, nowhere and nowhere. Especially if the parents of friends or classmates simply give their children money for no reason. Do you need your child's envy towards others? Not? So, we keep up with the times, and encourage offspring financially.
But there are some important nuances that should be followed, using the money equivalent of praise:
- The amount must be proportionate to the act. You can not give for washing dishes 500 rubles, and for cleaning the room 50.
- Parents should forget about this money. The child has the full right to use them at its own discretion. You can not say, for example: "This is for your new shoes."
- Set the limit. For example, for the top five 10 rubles, but not more than 100 rubles per week. Otherwise, the child tortures teachers with the desire to respond at the blackboard. Or even take the teacher in the share.
In general, it is recommended to use the material type of encouragement as rarely as possible, or for serious actions or deeds that require long-term performance. Maybe the end of the school year?
Otherwise, if you pay the child for any little thing (putting on tights or sweeping the floor), then you can achieve the exact opposite effect. The child will demand legal remuneration constantly and in increasing amounts.
Council That's just not necessary now about the value of study and knowledge. The current reality will not allow you to be full and clothed, relying only on knowledge. And in the shops for study do not sell food. Just approach financial incentives with caution and deliberation. But do not exclude completely.
Presents
The principle of this promotion is akin to that described in the previous paragraph. The only difference is that money is replaced by sweets, toys, gadgets, clothes. The notorious psychologists almost unanimously argue that this can not be done. I dare argue.
The child does not care about the purchase itself or the desired item. Who has not encountered a situation where toy-promotion was forgotten 10 minutes after the purchase? The baby needs exactly parental approval of the act. Even if it will be a box of juice or a package of markers.
I will give an example from my own life. Son in 4 years was bought lollipop. Just like that, for no reason. Swinging candy during a walk, he dropped it and did not even notice. After a couple of days, absolutely the same lollipop was bought as a reward for dusting your desk. And in the same way, the candy safely flew off to the ground during a walk. Oh, what was this grief! Tears flowed such that any crocodile would die of envy. “Mom, well, I deserved it! I cleaned, tried so hard! ”
Naturally, the snot and tears were wiped out, and the third lollipop was solemnly presented to a grieved child. And you say - do not encourage the child with gifts.
Useful tips
Do not give promotion in advance. A child already at six months old is perfectly able to manipulate adults. Therefore, never praise and reward your baby in advance. The offspring should have an incentive, not a desire to get one at any cost.
Do not do competitions between children for encouragement. For example, if one studies well, and the second does not have such success, then exclude the award for excellent grades from children's life. From the word at all. The spirit of competition should be healthy, not offensive.Remember this. Or reward both children regardless of the results obtained, so as not to sow hostility between them. True, then it can not be called a reward.
In the financial form of the award there is an interesting detail. In addition to the promotion should be fines. For good grades - we pay, for bad ones - we deduct. It is very convenient to keep counting in a special table. The child will learn to count their pocket money, at the same time keep records. This skill is great useful in adult life.
Now you know how to encourage a child. Do not skimp on the praise, then your child will become a normal person with a beautiful character. By the way, sometimes a child can have a rather encouraging smile from a parent instead of a material reward. So why reinvent the wheel?
Video: encouragement as a method of raising children
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